


For how long will we fall before we can climb?

by Francine2869



Series: Never have to ask myself what if... [1]
Category: Sen Çal Kapımı (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-31
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-17 20:14:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29106174
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Francine2869/pseuds/Francine2869
Summary: A follow up to episode 29. What happens after the engagement?
Series: Never have to ask myself what if... [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2136675
Comments: 5
Kudos: 67





	For how long will we fall before we can climb?

**Author's Note:**

> Title from "We'll Be Fine" by Luz :-)

He's sliding the ring onto Selin's finger when it happens. His head has been aching all day during the couple of meetings he had scheduled while the staff got everything ready for their engagement party. He catches a flash from one of the press photographers in the corner of his eye and it feels like it lances through his brain. He drops Selin's hand and covers his eyes, pressing his fingers into the sockets to try and relieve some of the pressure that's thudding behind his eyelids.

He can't think for the pounding and the sounds around him blend into a dull roar. There's a hand on his back, leading him somewhere and he takes a few shaky steps before faltering, his knees giving way and he feels himself falling.

Serkan wakes in his office, upstairs. He's on a couch under a blanket and the lights are dimmed. There's a murmur of voices near the door and when he manages to turn his head slightly he can see Dr. Dilek talking to - is that Seline?

His mother steps into his view and tuts at him. "Just rest Serkan. The doctor gave you something for your migraine and said that you need to take it easy for the rest of the day."

"Migraine?" he mumbles out. "What happened? Why -" Selin's voice interrupts. "Sevgilim, thank goodness you're awake. I was _so_ worried." She presses a hand to his brow and another on his chest, stroking him through the blanket. "I sent everyone away, don't worry."

Serkan was uncomfortable and now he's confused. "Selin? What are you - why are you here?" He shakes his head and tries to sit up.

She moves closer and holds his arm. "Askim - wait let me help you."

He stares at her as she plumps a pillow behind him. " _Askim?_ Selin what's going on? Where's -" he looks around quickly, forgetting the pain in his temples for a moment. "Where's _Eda_?"

Both women turn to look at him, strange expressions on their faces. Selin tries to ignore his question and push him back down onto the pillows but he resists and pulls off the blanket before sitting up.

"Mom? Where is Eda?" His mother has tears in her eyes, her face sad but hopeful. "Serkan are you - do you remember Eda?"

He looks at both of them. What is going on? "Of course I remember my fiance Mom. Why wouldn't-" there's another sharp pain through his right eye and he groans.

Suddenly he's remembering proposing, but not to Eda. He's asking Selin to marry him as their friends look on in shock. The memory is gone again and he opens his eyes.

"Will someone please tell me what is going on?"

Another sharp pain - another memory. He sees Eda's face horrified as he screams words at her that he would never say if he was in his right mind.

Selin reaches to rub his back and he leaps away from her, stumbling a few steps from the couch. His head feels like it's going to explode - he sees flashes of memories that don't make sense. Feels himself drowning in waves, then laying on a hospital bed unable to move from the pain. He sees a cabin with Selin waiting in the doorway, feels himself holding her in front of a fireplace both of them wrapped in blankets.

He sees Eda's face the day he returned. The relief and the happiness that turned into sadness, despair and anger. He sees the look on her face as he proposes to Selin. Sees the way she's been pulling away from him bit by bit over the last two weeks. Then there's soft hands holding his face, a familiar voice telling him to open his eyes.

**~*~**

Eda stands at the back of the room, literally one foot out the door. She gazes around at her friends and wishes that she could tell them she's leaving. She wants to hug them all and never let go but she needs to move on. At least for a little while. She watches fondly as Melek and Leyla pester Erdem, as Ceren leans against Ferit and they whisper to each other in a corner. She wishes so much for her friends, her confidants, her family.

They've supported her and held her up through the years, from school days to her almost-wedding day to wiping away her many tears while Serkan was missing.

Fifi's already made her own way and reached for her dreams. Ceren has always been a force to be reckoned with and as hard as she can be when needed she has a soft, romantic heart and Eda hopes that Ferit will treasure it. Melek is still figuring things out but Eda knows that in time she will realize her true gift is love, in all of it's forms.

There's a rustling at the front of the room, cameras being lifted and microphones at the ready. Eda almost laughs at the pomp and circumstance. This isn't a love match - it's a business arrangement and Eda almost pities Selin for failing to realize that. For such a smart woman Selin still believes that she can make the man in front of her into the Serkan she wants, the man she thinks she deserves.

True love changes you - Eda knows that now. For good and for bad, love leaves you different than it finds you.

She watches Selin stride to podium, resplendent in a white power suit. The smile on her face is joyous but the man trailing a step behind her is stone faced.

He's been that way since he returned. Never cracking a smile, never letting a laugh pass his lips. If Eda didn't hold so dear her memories of their time together she'd almost be convinced that they had never happened.

She takes a last look at him fixing his watch and glances at Selin as she hooks her arm through his. Eda slips quietly away before a word can be spoken. It's time for her to move on and leave this past behind.

For years she let things hold her back: a lack of money, her aunt, fear of failure, of the unknown. But there's a comfort in knowing that the next few days, weeks, months are hers to explore.

The gift that her Grandmother unknowingly left her (or maybe knowingly, depending on how much credit she wants to give Semiha Yildirim) is that Eda, for the first time in her life is free. Free to do and go wherever she wants. She's not worried about what she leaves behind and knows that what lies in front of her can only get better.

**~*~**

Serkan wants to run out and find her the moment he can stand on his own two feet.

"Wait a minute Serkan! We don't even know where she is. Let me call her and see before you go rushing off somewhere."

Aydan pulls out her phone and dials, Serkan's knee bouncing as he waits. After a moment Aydan sighs. "No answer. Let me try Ayfer."

She dials again and Serkan motions for her to put the phone on speaker between them. His hands are cold and he rubs them together restlessly.

"Efendim Aydan."

"Ah, Ayfer? I need to speak to Eda and she's not answering her phone. Do you know where she is?"

They hear cloth rustling and distant clatter on the other end.

"I'm at the restaurant today so I haven't seen her since breakfast but as far as I know she was headed to work. Did you check the office?"

Serkan and Aydan look at each other.

"I'm - I'm headed there now. Maybe she's in a meeting." Aydan covers.

They hear shouting and then "Aydan I have to go - tell Eda to call me, tamam?" and she hangs up before they can answer.

Serkan looks at his mother, then at Engin who's joined them at his request. Piril came with him but quickly and forcefully took Selin out of the room while Serkan was so livid he couldn't look at her. He doesn't know where they have gone and he doesn't care.

" _ **Well** **?!**_ " Serkan erupts. "Was she here today?"

Engin shrugs, "I didn't see her Serkan but this place was a madhouse today. She could have slipped in and out anytime."

Serkan sighs and stands up. "I'm going after her. I'll keep calling her and I can check her place and my apartment until I hear from her."

Engin and Aydan share a look. "Serkan - I hate to say this but I don't think Eda is going to want to talk to you."

"Engin's right," his mother adds, "after all you were about to announce your engagement to another woman today."

" **DAMN IT!** " He yells as he rakes his hands through his hair. How the hell did they get here? He asked Eda once why she was running from him and even then he could feel the slightest distance between them. The gaping chasm that exists now scares him and can only hope that he's not too late.

**~*~**

Melek is chatting with Leyla when he makes his way downstairs with Engin. His partner has offered to help him look for Eda but they don't know where to start.

"Melek!"

She looks up at his shout, her eyes hardening as she stands stiffly.

"Evet Serkan Bey?"

"Melek, I need to find Eda - I need your help." Serkan grabs her hands. " _Please_ Melek, where is she?"

She looks at him strangely, pulling her hands away.

"I don't know. She had a meeting off site this morning and hasn't come back yet."

"Where was the meeting? Can you call her or message her? Where is she now?"

Melek glances at Leyla before looking back at him, a question in her eyes. "Serkan ... bey? What's going on? Why do you need to see her?"

Serkan shakes his head at her, smiling at the tough act as she protects the woman who's as close as a sister to her.

"Melo - _it's_ _me_. Your Eniste. I remembered everything."

She and Leyla both bolt upright, moving closer to him. He smiles sadly and pulls Melo into a hug and sees Leyla start to cry behind her.

"I'll be happy to explain later but right now - _where is Eda_?"

Melo squeals and grabs her phone. She calls Eda and Serkan can hear it ring from where he stands. It rings through to her voicemail before she hangs up.

"Did you try Ayfer abla?"

**~*~**

It's hours later and no one can reach her. Serkan is pacing his (their) office as their friends sit around the table.

"Maybe her phone's dead and she's working in a garden somewhere." Piril offers up.

Serkan shakes his head. "I called the orphanage and the seniors centre where she volunteers -no sign of her. I also called the nursery where she gets supplies and they haven't seen her in a few days."

Melo and Ceren come through the doors. "She's not at the flower shop or at home but her car's still there."

"I also checked at the university and she wasn't at the library and her classmates haven't seen her today."

"If I wasn't worried before I am now." Serkan admits, shaking his head.

Ferit stands up and starts dialing his phone. "I'll call my contacts in the area, see if she booked a meeting room or hotel room anywhere."

"Thank you Ferit," Serkan manages. "All of you - thank you. I know that today probably didn't turn out how you thought but thank you for sticking with me through the last few weeks. I know it couldn't have been easy."

"You can say that again," Melo mutters and for a brief moment there's laughter.

**~*~**

It's dark outside when Melo and Ceren leave to meet Ayfer at home and fill her in.

Piril has already left to talk to his mother who Seyfi took home earlier after a tearful hug. He's promised to keep her updated and since he won't rest until Eda is back in his arms he tries to figure out where to go from here.

He thought about heading to his apartment but given the fact that Selin's currently staying there with him it's probably not a good idea. There's a pit in the bottom of his stomach when he thinks about how he and Selin have slept in the same bed that he made love to Eda in.

How he let Selin take over his life to the point where they were living together in the place he and Eda had planned to make their home.

Leila's ordered food for everyone but Serkan can't eat. He's standing at the railing of the balcony trying not to imagine the worst.

Eda wouldn't just up and leave without telling anyone, especially her family. Okay - _he's_ probably _persona non grata_ at the moment but Eda is too responsible to leave everything behind like this.

Serkan doesn't even want to think about the other, more sinister options that are left considering she was nearly kidnapped not that long ago.

"Where are you Eda?" he whispers, the stars in the sky his only witness to his plea.

**~*~**

Serkan jolts awake, lifting his head off of his arms on the boardroom table.

Remnants of his nightmare linger, the sound of Eda crying and begging him to remember haunting him even as sunlight pours in through the windows.

"Serkan?" Engin arrives with coffee cups and resigned face. "You should go home and get some rest. We'll call you if we hear anything."

Serkan chuckles darkly. "Which home Engin? My old house filled with memories of Eda or my new apartment filled with memories of Eda."

He toasts Engin with his coffee cup, "the apartment also comes with a lying, scheming ex girlfriend as well."

Engin sighs and looks at his friend. "You could come to my place. We have a guest room and no memories or ex girlfriends to be found."

Serkan shakes his head as he drains the coffee and stands up, looking out the window.

"As much as I want to see what you and Piril living together looks like it'll have to wait until after I find the love of my life and beg her forgiveness."

They're both silent for a moment until Ceren and Ferit rush through the door.

"Engin! Did you see this?!"

Ferit's pulling a piece of paper out of a large envelope, placing it on the table so they can read it. It's a pro forma legal document, a share transfer agreement.

Serkan skims to the bottom where he sees... "What the hell!"

He grabs the paper to read it more closely.

"Where did you get this?"

"It was delivered to my office this morning first thing. My assistant saw it and brought it to me, he thought it might be important."

"Damn right it's important!" Serkan exploded, smacking the paper onto the table and stalking out to the balcony.

Engin looked at the other two. "I don't understand - Eda's giving you her shares?"

"Not just me," Ferit stressed. "I didn't know if I should show Serkan but.. there was a letter with it."

Ceren glanced at Serkan who was now shouting into the phone outside the office. She pulled a paper out of her purse.

"We read it on the way here. It's from Eda."

Engin smoothed it out and frowned at the familiar handwriting. He was becoming more and more worried about his little sister, even though he didn't show it as obviously as Serkan.

_Dear Ferit,_

_I know this will come as a shock but I've decided that it's time for me to leave the company. I've divided my shares equally between you, Piril and Engin. I can't think of any better team to lead the holding into the future. I've prepared agreements to be sent to all of you - all you need to do is sign them. I've enjoyed working with all of you but I need to take some time and step away from work right now. Please pass along my best wishes to everyone and thank them for helping me to keep things running smoothly these last few months._

_Sincerely,_

_Eda Yildiz_

Engin had just finished reading the letter through a second time when Serkan snatched it up.

Ceren stepped out and she returned with an identical package with Engin's name on the front. "It was on your desk," she explained. "It's the same agreement, "

Serkan crossed his arms and bit out a curse. "I just talked to the company's lawyer and he said that Eda came in a few days ago to have the agreements drawn up. She asked him to keep it quiet until she could tell you all in person."

A stunned silence settled over the room. What did they do now?

~*~

Their first break came in a phone call half an hour later.

The group was explaining the new development to Piril who had arrived in the meantime and found her own envelope waiting on her desk.

"Efendim Elise."

Serkan stretched tiredly as he answered the call from his housekeeper.

" **Ne**? How - is she still there? When? Did she leave a note or anything?"

Everyone was paying attention now, watching Serkan make his way towards the door.

" _Thank you_ Elise. You did the right thing. I'll be in touch."

Engin grabbed his arm to stop him. Serkan hung up and turned back to them.

"That was the woman that looks after my summer house. Apparently Eda showed up there yesterday evening and stayed over. I can't believe I didn't think of checking there. She was right under my nose. _So stupid_..."

Ceren intervened. "And? Is she still there?"

"No - Elise went to check if she wanted breakfast this morning and Eda was gone. She left a thank you note that asked Elise not to mention it to me but she said Eda looked - she said she was - "

Suddenly Serkan was gasping for air and rubbing his chest, unable to catch his breath at the thought that Eda was suffering, that she needed him and he wasn't with her.

Piril appeared at his other side.

"Serkan you're having a panic attack. I know it's scary but I need you to try and breathe with me. Breathe in... look at me. Follow my breaths in and out."

**~*~**

Throughout the day Serkan felt like he was visited by his version of Charles Dickens " _A Christmas Carol_ " ghosts.

 _Past_ : Selin arrived first thing. Dressed in a sleek business suit (no scarf to be found) she marched into his office and demanded to talk to him and accused him of breaking promises to her, of falling for Eda's tricks again...

Serkan ignored it all and let her words roll off of him. He didn't have the energy to deal with the betrayal he felt from someone who had once been a trusted friend. And as much as he wanted to make her answer for keeping him away from his friends and family while feeding him lies - now was not the time. Once he had Eda back safe and sound he could deal with everything else.

After half an hour of waiting for any acknowledgment she stormed back out of the office and everyone else gave her a wide berth on her way to the door.

 _Present_ : Ayfer stormed through mid morning demanding to know what he was going to do to find her niece since it was obviously his fault she had disappeared. Alex came with her and with the help of the girls they were able to talk her down until they were able to have an honest conversation.

"I know I've messed up," Serkan admitted. "I don't know why I lost my memories or how I could _ever_ forget loving Eda. I don't know why I've only remembered her now but I promise you that I am going to do _everything_ within my power to bring her home again."

 _Future_ : It was some time letter when he heard Melo yell for him and he raced out to see her holding her phone to her ear.

He grabbed it and pressed speaker just in time to hear Eda's sweet voice saying goodbye.

"What did she say? Is she okay? Where is she?" Serkan demanded.

Melo picked up the phone and played the voicemail again.

_"Melo? My beautiful friend. I miss you already. I know you're worried about me and I just wanted you to know that I'm okay. You can tell everyone that I'm fine, I just need some time by myself right now. I'm sorry it had to happen this way but I knew I'd never leave if you all kept talking me out of it. I'll call you in a few days. Tell Hala not to worry even though I know she will. I love you - look after each other for me. Goodbye."_

_**~*~** _

**Author's Note:**

> I was yelling at the screen for a lot of episode 29 so... this is my version of catharsis, lol. I know that Eda/Serkan are endgame and that things will be fixed in future episodes but seeing Serkan treat Eda like an interloper in his life is difficult. I couldn't even watch the last scene yet, just FF and read the subs. Here's hoping episode 30 is a little happier for us!
> 
> Series title from Mitchell Tenpenny's song 'Bucket List' :-)


End file.
